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As we drink the coffee, we realized that it tastes like dirt and mud. Studying the Miranda Rights. I can do it with my eyes closed. What do you call a musician with problems? ""This is incredible", said the man. They rummage around in the trunk, and eventually walk back over to the man holding a spray bottle. Why are skeletons so calm? What doesnt get any wetter no matter how much it rains? 4. I can even do it with my eyes closed. A couple of hours into the flight she nervously announced, "Ladies and gentleman; we don't know how this happened, but we have over 400 people on board, but only 200 dinners. 181. Who eats snails? Aloha. What breaks when you speak? Today is my first day as a cab driver I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.". he shouted.A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me. We respect your privacy. They read: For best results, put on two coats., A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. 10,000 soles were lost. How do you open a banana? 190. The coach replied, "You're standing too close to the ball after you've hit it.". Theyre buoy-ant. Carl had a big swollen nose.Whoa, what happened, Carl?, Max asked.I sniffed a brose, Carl replied.What?, Max said. Watch while I prove it to you. 191. A Mars bar. My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing. Pup-eroni pizza! My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. Once you are there, give the jokes youve enjoyed the most your vote and share this article with your friends afterward. "Policeman: "About a gallon. The eeriest. How do you mend a jack-o-lantern? A refrigerator. 193. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? 122. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Why are pirates called pirates? A four-chin teller. Why are there gates around cemeteries? My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. At sundae school. At sundae school. Why do golfers always bring an extra pair of pants? Learn More. What do you call a woman with one leg? In the dictionary. Why did the ghost go to rehab? 24 Why do rednecks like having sex doggy style? The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. Do you know how fast you were going? The police officer says.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); The Muslim man responds angrily, I had no f***ing clue officer!, The cop, surprised, looks at the Muslim man in the eyes and says, What did you just say ta me?, The Muslim man apologizes: Im sorry officer, its Ramadan and Ive been fasting. Why cant Chuck Norris use the internet? Help, Ive fallen and I cant giddy up. A dinosaur was in a car accident. Wheeeee! Get me a beer! She gets very frustrated. Or, a less awkward one anyway. I dont know, and I dont care. ", During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? Why should you knock on the refrigerator before opening the door? My friend once called a few house painters to his house for some work. Because of all the sand which is there! Did you hear about the witch that went into the desert? (2022), Mason Jar May Day Basket | FREE Printable Tags, 500+ Hilarious Jokes for Kids {Kid Approved} . The Dreadful Diva. Why shouldnt you write with a broken pencil? What are a sharks two most favorite words? Carl had a big swollen nose. Start writing! He wanted them to paint his porch. 18 Why do birds fly over trailer parks upside down? Wait a minute, the boy said. We did our best to bring you only the best ones. Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. 282. His wife was standing nearby watching him. How do you make a tissue . And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! Mother's Day. Youre nuts! They spray the rabbit with the bottle, and it comes back to life. 15. 86. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. So, the wife and I were in town shopping And as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him. What kind of ghost has the best hearing? 179. Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? Thats right; weve gathered loads of funny long jokes in this article, so youll never run out of endearing things to say (that is, if you learn at least one of them by heart). He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. Where do polar bears vote? She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since. A gummy bear. 236. 36. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder.". Youve just made my day. Because they have one eye! 98. Because seven ate nine. 49. Its your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about its been collecting dirt on you for years. He wanted cold hard cash! He waits a painfully long moment before finishing, "scotch. What did one plate say to the other? His father comforts him by saying: Now, now. 82. Put a little boogie in it. The Big MacKerel! Talk is cheap? If you have friends as weird as you, then you have everything. The librarian politely told him that he was in a library. Cheerios! What kind of pizza do dogs eat? Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? The owner welcomes him and shows him to the table. 99. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. 166. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. There is a skeleton in our neighborhood who always knows that something bad might happen way before it actually happens. ", Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him, "What's wrong? One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.I gently nudged my wife and said, "I bet you wish you still had legs like that! "That kid never learns! A frog, because it croaks every night. What did one pen say to the other? Paw raises up, Git my gun, Maw.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_18',623,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. They only have one tail. There are over 200 short jokes that will keep you and your friends chucklesnorting all day! They suspected foul play. Hey Pandas, Post A Picture Of A Cat Being Naughty, 30 Pictures Of Beautiful Bangladeshi People By Mou Aysha (New Pics), 79 Surreal Images Of Sneakers Placed In Some Very Interesting Locations By Carlos Jimnez Varela. "I work for the 3M company! I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise., Thats amazing, the woman said. Why did the shopping cart go to therapy? What type of sandals do frogs wear? The mosquito said that he had a lot of problems. The punchline is "I only came in because the light was on. 170. They always get a flush 23. What type of flower should you not give on Valentines Day? These catchy Valentine phrases paired with candy, a small toy 500+ Hilarious Jokes for Kids {Kid Approved}, Easy DIY Face Mask Pattern | FREE Printable, 10+ Free Cute Girl Coloring Pages for Kids of All Ages. She gets out and says I want you two to make mad passionate love to me in the barn. ", Putin is held hostage by a terrorist. 194. What do you get when you cross a grocery store and a scientist? It was just gathering dust. Looks authentic, doesn't it. A starfish! Cars, camping, and even baking - all of these topics are discussed in these funny jokes that are long, entertaining, and purely hilarious. A swordfish! 116. Everything else is irrelephant. Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. Ketchup. What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? A towel. Mind Your Business counted to a hundred and then started looking for his brother. Why did the scarecrow win an award? I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. The man first apologized and then whispered to the librarian, "Can I please have some ham and cheese? Haloumi! I would have thought that it was very weird had I not realized that it was the singer Adele. What is an astronauts favorite meal of the day? 185. The two boys had never heard that word before and asked about it. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. Poke him on. Choose from A-line dresses in sizes XXS-4XL and T-shirt dresses in sizes XS-XXL. Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal to someone else, will receive unlimited free liquor for the duration of the flight! Now whats your final question?. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. The neighbour says, "Well actually the seat belongs to me. In case she needed to draw blood. 139. The bartender says, We dont serve your type.. Igloos it together. "I work for the Four Seasons hotel! What does it take to make an octopus laugh? When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. 165. I want some motherf***ing pancakes!, the second boy said. The mooooo-vies! But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. While they were playing in their fort, one of the boys accidentally stepped in the redneck cousins finger. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? ", A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second? They always take things literally. 147. Theres a cure for that, though - a long joke! Its called speedin.. Approximately 1 GB. 76. "I work for the Minnesota Twins! 230. Its $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.. It saw the salad dressing. 290. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" How did the dinosaur build her house? 124. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Hey, bud! The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?! A cool joke about geography? A brick. What do you call a beehive without an exit? Better yet, you'll have plenty of fresh material guaranteed to keep the gang in stitches for weeks to come. A pie-thon! Search by topic Joke Topics Engine Jokes Cave Jokes Wednesday Jokes Mosquito Jokes Stew Jokes Snowflake Jokes In inchesthey dont have feet. The taste, mostly. They sit next to the fans! "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Because she ran away from the ball. 242. Which table fits in the fridge? Mistle-toes. "She's my ex-wife. IE 11 is not supported. Then it dawned on me. When is a door not a door? All of the fans left. 2. 151. 72. The Dread Shed. 279. Because pepper water makes them sneeze. I'm really good at sleeping. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. The first redneck says, My wifes so damn stupid the other day she bought a motorcycle helmet and we dont even have a bike.. Aye matey. Theres no b in rose!Carl replied, There was in this one!. The signature of a dad joke is that it's utterly uncool. What has more lives than a cat? What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? How's the water? Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone. They are on their honeymoon. 212. "Let go of the branch", boomed the voice.There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "Is there anybody else up there? ", Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. 41. "A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! How did the barber win the race? A tomato in an elevator. He Neverlands. 204. A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. Whats the best way to woo a math teacher? 109. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? That way they can both watch wrestling. Maybe it is because they are the easiest funny jokes to tell friends. 211. Look at the size of that bird, Paw! she exclaims. Because when you find it, you stop looking. One says, Spit out your gum, and the other says, Choo choo choo!. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A man stands in line at an ATM in Moscow. And the genie sends him back home.Im lonely, says the third friend. What the heck is that? Jim asked. Here are 125 funny jokes for kids that will make even the most serious adult smile. "Me: "A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead, I can't take that chance. Funny adjectives: queer, sick, rummy, laughable, risible, comic, odd, amusing, questionable, humourous, mirthful, suspect, shady, curious, singular, suspicious, rum, humorous, peculiar, fishy, unusual, comical, ill, strange