moving in with mom after dad died moving in with mom after dad died

You are right, your father is an extremely selfish man to expect you to bend over backwards for his new wife with no thought for you or your siblings or any grandchildren, etc. Sure, it might be well-intentioned, but it can feel empty. Did she ever stop to consider my feelings as well. You may also want to suggest group therapy for her, if she is open to it. That was their way of caring for her. Your new love has you to keep him occupied all they have is pain and sadness and memories of someone they had loved and lost. I have basically lost my mother, father and sister who is too afraid to stand up to dad and have no parents. Are you willing to share yours? He passed away, 'while. I loved my wife deeply and will miss her for the rest of my life but I did start a relationship 3 months after her passing. See a pattern, most of the blogs are about dads who took up women for happiness or coping. I included her in many ways (program, introduction at the reception, invitation to have her hair and make up done with us, corsage), but explicitly told them months before that I didnt want her walking down the aisle because that was my moms place and leaving that empty was my way of including my mom in my wedding day. I understand that everyone needs someone, But i dont think it should be forced on the surviving kids/ relatives, at least not till their ready. I do feel that mom thinks its all about her right now. My phone bill is about $400 a month. I know that there is a sense of family loss when your father or mother enter a friendship or more serious relationship with someone else. My dad died in 2006, and they had been together over 40 years. I would like for someone to tell me when its ok to date after a spouse dealth. Dad bought a convertible and they go cruising around town Moms ashes arent even spread yet. Just understand she lost her life partner, and that's a low blow. Both sons are married, one lives locally and one is in another state. This has just happened to me I am bereft. I just wanted to say thanks for posting your experiences because its nice to know that I am not alone. Im in such a state. I want you to know that I feel your pain. After my fathers burial service, friends and family held a brunch where everyone went around the table and shared a lively anecdote. We're looking forward to. AND my dad is now the proud owner of two hens in his backyard, as well as a 2 burner outdoor stove for cooking pho broth.. Basically who is he?!? My children were not happy that I told them I was dating, they were hurt and angry. This is step choreography for the real world- it is a exact blend of fascinating movements but not too complicated. Incidentally, he didnt really develop a new relationship with anyone, and somehow I tided over the resentment and anger and we came to a place of understanding took nearly 2 years though. Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on, to grow. He left immediately after we ate. We both were happily married for more than 25 years and the unexpected happened to us. I live in a different city than my dad, so I think it hit home for him when he could see how physically upset I was. Hi, please somebody help me this is unlike anything Ive been able to find on the Internet. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. I guess I wrote this hoping to give a Dads perspective and ask that those struggling try to accept the new person in your life and get to know them enough to judge them as they are. Dont do it only for appeasing the feeling of familial obligations. Always remember, what you give out is what you get back! It could be argued that not being forced to entertain this stranger on an important family holiday would make you feel better! But I still feel the same way a lot of you do. My mom, like many of your moms, passed away from cancer (colon), in 2006. But thats the issue here for me, recognition that we still need time and space, and respect and sensitivity to having her in our lives so soon after loosing our Mother. He was doing well and had been out of the hospital for a week when my mom found in the morning that he had passed in his sleep. They should use some decorum, show some respect for their childrens MOTHER, and think about the example they are setting for their GRANDCHILDREN. For So Long, I Had Larry in My Ear In an exclusive clip from Hulus Stolen Youth docuseries, Larry Ray survivor Felicia Rosario opens up about the impact of his gaslighting. The the following year, found out Marsha, Marsha, Marsha and him were dating, when it started I do not know. I dont believe that they only developed feelings after my moms death. She has her own home, has 2 grown children, 2 grandchildren but is now completely in charge of his checking and savings account. I believe that a photo of a late husband or wife has a place in a new home. Its a destination wedding and he has told her that he wont be able to make it because of work. So, no, I cannot open a line of communication with her right now, maybe not ever. I tried to suppress my feelings after my mother passed away and it fucked me over for 2 years, (cycles of depression and survivor's guilt). It is very hard for any child to accept the death of his or her father, especially when it was unexpected and everyone was so young. We had to ask my dad if he could fit us into his schedule because they are soooo busy doing stuff. I was very calm until he left, then i cried for hours! She gets mad at him on every account. Im sorry but she is not my mother and never will be. Within 3 days of her passing, my dad asked me if I wanted to meet this lady friend of his. Finally i heard my dad, he told her to shut it, because he heard enough and shes a horrible person. They are not together because hes too proud to say hes lonely and she doesnt want her freedom to go out curtailed by someone who is not as fast and agile as he once was. I could really use some good advice on how to deal with all this. So I thought I would reach out to this community. I wish people could see that jumping feet first into a relationship at an emotionally vulnerable time even if they think they are ready for it can have devastating consequences not only for the rest of the family but ultimately for themselves. He left immediatly after we ate. You will never trust your fathers love for you again. Who is a wonderful and caring person. We were very close; she was my best friend. I am worried for more than a few reasons: one being that what kind of woman will fly to the US after meeting someone online less than 3 months ago? .it wasnt three days after my dad called it quits with this woman, that she was calling him. I think one thing my life has taught me is that emotional maturity is not age dependent. What I, and it sounds like many others here, think is inappropriate is possibly the timing involved- being so soon after our mothers death, and the insensitivity towards our feelings of grief and loneliness of having lost our mothers. After a year my sister got a call begging her to pick him up immediately as basically she was kicking him out. I told him there is no solution and its something we are going to have to deal with as issues arise. What a way to find out that your dads married and shares a joint bank account with a stranger! My Dad went on a date with a mutual friend of theirs within one month, which I was astounded by. She was an active, vibrant 72 year old woman who had lots of plans for the future. I am in 12 grade and this thing has stuck in my mind which is degrading my performance in studies. Fast forward a couple of years Today (Sunday April 17, 2016) I MARRY my awesome girlfriend that I met on that bike ride. My dad was 60 years old and had recently undergone brain surgery for a blood clot on his brain. It is so very hurtful. Your mother and dad was back at my general theme in a girl lost my mom started dating a new relationship, all our posts. I felt that Dad was not supportive & after my mom death He drifted further . Your thing to do here is just be there for her. Did it make me angry at her? Sorry for rambling on! I have read every single comments on this chat box. Dont be so hard on yourself! In my case, I learned that she was an amazing person and lived an amazing life, so I have nothing but the utmost respect for her as his wife and the ACs mother. Comparing notes about your feelings and sadness and living in a way that keeps you mired in pain will fade when you accept that your JOB IS TO BE HAPPY. We never built a very close relationship while my mother was alive, but now that she's gone we find ourselves calling each other constantly. I decided that I would invite them to go with usI really struggled with this.when I called Dad, he said he needed to talk to her first & he did she declined because she had other plans. My mother passed away 5 months ago from cancer. Thanks to whoever can help or give some insight. Im fine with my daddy being happy, but IM HIS DAUGHTER, his wifes child, his first child. We took care of our spouses at home, tube feeding, hospice, hospital visits, radiation therapy and chemotherapies. The way she broke the news to me shocking, although I put two and two together before she actually told me. She shouldn't make any big decisions (my mom kept talking about selling the house and moving, for example, even though she loves it there) until she is settled down and has adjusted to the new normal. For you need to keep in honor her passing. He wants to include her in all of our family gatherings and has told me that he expects me to become friends with her. This came out of the blue, as I had just seen him several months prior and there was NO mention of him ever wanting to get back into the dating pool. Does that seem like the kind of relationship that would make anyone feel good about stepping in the picture? If the woman visits, she does absolutely nothing. When Dad first died, I told everyone that I didn't want to talk about it. P.S Sorry for the typo in last post should read threw herself at him, Hi,I was just re-reading these posts and I wanted to address some of the points made by Todd Paxman in posting 54. She just wanted understanding ears to bend for awhile. First off do you have to be the one to live alone? Thank you, Ella, for being able to put into words the impact this has on the immediate children and future generations. Well, Im happy to have found this forum even though there are old entries on here, i hope maybe one person will read my experience. January came and I continued to visit my mother. He just doesnt mention this womans name to us anymore. Over these three years ive feel as the world is a very lonesome place without her and what i thought was a tight family was false. Around sept 2022 I mentioned to my mom we were applying places and getting ready to move out as we were outgrowing the space we had there. I know Im being selfish but I want to spend as much time with my dad as possible & I would like to think that he would want to spend it with me, my children, my sis and her children. She was not ill. My father was already searching for a new companion at the wake and as soon as the funeral was over was on the prowl. He broke when she died, but so did he. My mom was the backbone of this family, when her mother (my grandma) passed away she left my mom a legacy. It's very healthy to share these feelings with a loved one. I received a text from my brother which stated that my dad had a heart attack and I needed to get to the hospital right away. And without a doubt, it will affect the lives of our children even more profoundly. Youve done nothing wrong - your mom is responsible for her own finances and you have every right to have your own space with your family. My father died unexpectedly the day after Christmas 2008. It took me a while but, with the help of my family, I got through it. I am very sensitive to the ACs loss and feelings about the loss of their mother. Will the hurt/pain ever get better? The. I have lost my father, and she couldnt care less about anyone but herself. When my mother died my sister moved in to her house and is living there and wants to buy the rest of the siblings their share of the house. Naturally, I know there are exceptions to this rule but I speak in general terms. For myself, I dont think my father could care if we genuinely After suffering a lost you should know that life is too short and it can change in any given moment. My mom whom was my teammate died suddenly it was most horrible experience of life, Im devastated. Id take him out to sporting events of our favorite teams. Shortly after that, he asked us if we would have our children call her grandma. I love him so much, and no, I dont want him to be alone the rest of his life, but my mom deserves so much more than this. Do we allow them to take the girls but have no relationship with us? My dad spent all of Christmas week with her in a hotel room and didnt even visit my mom. My mom just passed away 1 month ago this Aprilat the age of 50. One thing is for sure, just as our parents could never select our friends or mates in life we neither can select theirs. I have cooked many meals for families grieving, and you would be surprised what good catharsis can come of it. I get so mad when he threatens me! Can not understand we dont need her in our lives. I feel like you. I feel okay about my behavior through it all as I only ever told him the truth about how I felt, I never yelled or lost my temper. And in this time my dad has changed. My mum died a year ago after a very short, unexpected battle with cancer. And they got married one year after my mother passed away. If anyone wants to talk who is going through or has been through the same thing email me la49013p@pace.edu. Meanwhile she is living in my mother's house to the objection of the rest of her siblings and is not paying any rent. He shows repeatedly that she is the only thing he cares about. Because if he were to be gone tomarrow I would regret not trying. He may have moved on and is ready to make sure he has a life partner in his life and home. How dare anyone pass judgement on me? Even if she said she was she would probably change her mind. Well, I met her and my attitude has changed. They visit for birthdays and events. Have you read the posts? Oh how I wish I had found this website after my Mother passed,18 months ago. She acted as though she got offended over that. Its weird watching a 72 year old man act like a 14 year old. He hasnt known this woman very long. Good luck and goodbye Mother Dear! The following year I asked her not to do that as I did not want to put anyone to any trouble. I think whether I gave my dad back what my mom gave me or not, Id still be dealing with a jerk. #pov after my mom died my dad wants to move to the city. The very knowledge that my dad has moved on is like losing my mother all over again on a daily basis. #fyp #viral #chiaraactress Keep it to yourself, lady!!). We may earn commission from the links on this page. has met her in a neighboring town two times, and they have talked on the phone most days. The wknd they arrived home, they spent the wknd with us before driving back to her place 4 hrs away. Wait. WebWatching a parent move on with someone else after the death of your other parents is going to be hard NO MATTER your age and no matter how long after their death, She wonders how long this will last until we accept her. Up to protect her passing. I guess I just need to keep asking God for his help. So I am basically stuck in this seething state of anger and resentment while also trying to deal with the grief of losing my mother. I am an only daughter. I think two equally lonely pp found each other and are love drunk I wish I could say someone was sane, but in the end, I just hope my dad isnt being played. It doesn't matter who your people are, just make sure you have them and you let them in. Sometimes, grief hits you in weird moments, but thats when you might need to let yourself live in that sadness the most. It seems strained to me. She had dates lined up and then after the second, started regularly dating. Wn we would try to bring it up to him it became Dont you want me to be happy? He has tried to give me the other womans phone number and told me to call him there. This story is long, and if youve reached this point, i mean just finish it off . His depression has been lessening considerably because of it. However, my grief is still fresh and often debilitating. Moving on with life as he says. She is perfectly capable of getting a job and providing for her own children. My husband says this is normal for him and says that he is ok with it. Just tell your dad you are not ready for that right now and you understand his needs. I dont care how old I am, him or her. I also go everynight after work and cook dinner. Ellen never cooks and we are never invited over to eat. I realise it is a long time ago for you. I miss my husband everyday and would love for my son to be able to grow up with his father, but I know my husband would want for my son to grow up with a happy mother. I dont want him to make a huge mistake. 3 phones and an iPad being paid off in installments and the highest data package available. I feel his intimate friend is a traitor to my mother and if I could ever accept her, I would be a traitor to my mother. I am in the same ship as most of you. Ellen has the strangest relationship with her two adult sons, or at least it seems strange to me. Dave and to all of you that are hurting and grieving your beloved parents and family members, Thank you so much for your advice. It really helps alot. We offered to meet as a family. I wish I knew how to get passed this. You and your dad need to talk ask him to tell you how he is feeling too since he lost your mom. My kids were disappointed that they didnt see him that much. Best of luck. That i dont respect that she doesnt like the shampoo i buy her or the hand soap. Just like in your case our Dad told us that if we didnt like it that was just too bad as he was a big boy and could act as he liked. After I started working at YouTube, Dad loved sending me his favorite live versions of songs he found on the platform. I say that because too many people operate as though their actions and choices have nothing to do with their family. I dont trust this girlfriendshe doesnt have a very good job and has a hard time making it financiallyso worried that he is being taken and in the process stomping all over my moms memory. After reading your post I felt like we were kindred sisters! He was pushing us to meet her and was relentless. He pretty much worked up until he died. Did you ever think you would be grieving like you are? Even if he broke up with this poor lady today, it will never take away the harm that it has already caused. I never thought Id ever find someone who would make me happy again in terms of a relationship. When my wife shot herself, I felt abandoned; I thought I would never be able to trust anyone again, especially a woman. Grief is confusing and is not the same for everybody, and it is often very hard to talk it through just with your family members. I don't know if it helps, but if you do ever want to just spout out, feel free to PM me. I got word through the grapevine that Ellens mother was telling her biological grandchildren that she had to treat me, my kids and my brother the same as them, blah, blah, blah. At first we were being invited to some of their family get-togethers that I politely declined as I did not feel comfortable attending them. I understand him wanting to sell the house because mom died in itbut to move so far away! Its safe to say she wouldnt spit on someone if they were on fire! My parents had been happily married for 43 yrs. My Mom passed away on July 21, 2011 from a long battle with colon cancer that ended up returning and metastasizing all over her body after one short period of remission. She also made some new friends that she became quite close to and this helped fill the gap a little. Sonia- I hope you find this response.